TexasLindsey

8 miles at 9:01/m.

 Ever since NYC marathon got cancelled, I have been in a kind of depression.  Can't explain it except that I was looking forward to it, obsessing about it for so long and then ... fizzle.  My husband and I arrived in NYC and three hours later the announcement was made.  We decided to just vacation in mid-town instead.  I had never been to NYC and my husband and I hadn't been on vacation without children since our honeymoon 7 years ago.  So we made the most of it.  I posted some pictures on facebook of us having fun and an old friend from high school blasted me for being selfish and having fun while Staton Island was in disaster.  So not only did the whole NYC marathon dream get deflated but I actually feel guilty like I did something wrong.... like ashamed.  I don't know what we could have done to help.  The ferries to Staton Island were shut down most of the time we were there.  We were in mid-town where everything was working fine and there was no damage. 

I've been depressed ever since.    That Sandy Hook School Shooting only through me deeper into it.  I have a 5 year old and a 2 year old.  My mother is an elementary school teacher.   She taught 1st grade for 12 years while I was growing up.   I can't imagine the horror of this event.  I can't stop thinking of the pain the parents of those babies shot must feel.  I haven't run with my friends though I've been running by myself every once in a while.  I've gained 6-7 pounds.  I'm drinking too much.   

 I'm trying to pull myself out of this funk.  Geez... 2012 sure kicked my butt.   This has been a rough year.  I've been hanging onto sanity by a thread.  I started out the year trying to decide whether to go back to work.  It was an anguishing decision but we determined that we needed the money.  So in May I went back to work after being a stay at home mom for 4 years.  The guilt I feel about dropping my babies at daycare for 10 hours a day is tremendous.  I have less time to myself.  I have a demanding job.  I can't keep up with the running that I used to.... which is another thing I feel guilty about.  So 2012 is the year of guilty feeling I would say.  I hate reading all my posts from this year where I was complaining.  2011 my posts were positive and upbeat.  I guess we just have good and bad years sometimes.

I'm trying to figure out how to make 2013 a much better year.  I know I can do this.  I have pulled myself out of funks time and time again.  I have overcome major obstacles in my life and succeeded even better than I had hoped to at goals I set for myself.  

I think first step is to pick a race to concentrate on.... a good half marathon.  I am always in my best form when I have a running goal to focus on.  I do better at everything else in my life and my mental state is very positive.   I'm going to pick something that will be end of January.  One thing I'm going to have to get over is that I am not in peak form.  I won't be running any 7:15 pace in this one... I will have to figure out a way to be proud of a 8:30/m pace.  Hey, you gotta start somewhere, right?   

12 miles at Trinity River with my friends at 7am.  Weather= 36F, 5mph wind, cloudy.

miles 1-6:  

8:40, 8:23, 8:16 , 8:21, 8:23, 8:29

 miles 7-12:

9:04, 9:13, 9:33, 9:41, 9:34, 9:50

So a few things... I met up with my friends who I feel like I have no business running with at the moment.  They have been all running marathons while I have been slacking...   I can't even keep up a conversation because I am out of breath.  There were a total of 6 of us girls today.  I struggled the first two miles.  At the two mile water stop, I told them I would slow down and not keep up...  but then I didn't.  

I guess what I would call my pride kicked in... and it wouldn't let me slow down.   So for miles 3-6 I actually was slightly ahead of everyone else.  I had to just focus on myself and the techno dance/trance music in my iPod and that was it.  With both earbuds in my ears I powered through the pain.  Oh, the pain.

The rest of the girls were on a slow, easy, long run where they talked and laughed.  I used to do that with them when I was in shape, but today I was on a stupid, ill advised run where I pushed myself harder and longer than my current fitness.   In order to go this pace, I had to ignore people and focus on my own breathing and mechanics.  

I think my friends are getting tired of me doing this thing where I don't talk and instead put my ipod in and plow ahead of them.  I don't blame them.  However, if I didn't do it, I'd be in much more pain and I'm sure I couldn't keep up with them right now.  

This is the story of 2012.  I'm always doing this to them because this year I have constantly been out of shape (as compared to previous years).  They all could kick my ass in races.  I know that!   I'm sensing that they might think I'm trying to be competitive or that I'm not social. 

When we are at water breaks, I tell them the reason I'm plowing ahead and not talking while running.  I say that I'm trying to focus so I don't fall behind because this is so hard for me. I get the sense that they don't either don't understand or they are tired of it.   I understand and I don't blame them.

So anyways.  After 6 miles, the rest of my friends were going on and turning around at mile 8 for a total of 16 for the day.  I decided that I should turn around at 6 for 12.  I slowed way down when they left me.

Biggest problem was that after I slowed down my legs seemed to freeze up.  Not sure if that was because of being out of shape or because of the weather since after I slowed down my body felt WAY colder than it did when I was running faster... maybe it was a combo.  I was really uncomfortable running back because my legs felt stiff.  Had some trouble with my IT band on mile 11.  Glad I turned around when I did.  

Progress is progress though.  And I've decided for my next goal:  I'm doing Benbrook 1/2 marathon on Jan 26, and Cowtown FULL marathon on Feb 24.  Neither will PR... but it will be a success if I overcome this "depression" funk and lost these 6 pounds I've gained during it.  

4 miles at 5:30am on my treadmill!!  I hate treadmill running, but more appealing than going outside in the dark cold rain.  I'm going to attempt to get into a regular habit of running on the treadmill most mornings.  It wasn't that bad.  I woke up too late to do more than 4 miles but tomorrow I will try to push snooze less and do at least 6.  I need to get myself back up to 40 miles a week and then I'll be happy!

12 miles at the river by myself.  My watch wasn't charged so I don't know the pace.  Felt nice and easy at approx 9:00/m pace to me.  Felt good whole way.

14 miles by myself at the river.  Average pace 9:12/m.  I actually had some 8:30's in the middle miles.  Felt pretty good.  Left knee cap area was bothersome and my arches on my feet are feeling beat up.   

5 miles after work at 9:00/m pace.  Still sore from Sunday so this hurt a bit.   I have signed up for a half marathon race on Saturday.  This is a terrible training plan I'm on where I only run 1-2 times a week.  Hoping I can squeeze out a sub 2:00 considering.

I went into this race just hoping to average 9:00/m.  It's one of the hilliest halfs in our area and I haven't been running much at all.  I just was hoping not to have a time over 2 hours.  I had to get over myself to even sign up because last time I ran this I was disappointed with my 1:41 finish.  My life is so busy right now and I've gotten out of the habit of running as much as I was back then.

 So about a half mile into the race, this guy from my running group named Ross comes up beside me.  Ross is someone I've run with periodically over several years.  We were catching up and it sounded like we both have had similar challenges in our lives right now.  When we ran together in the past we'd always run 8:00/m pace but we were both more of the 9:00 milers lately.  He said he was coming back from injury and he gained 15 pounds.  I've gained about 7-8 pounds since NYC.   He's just getting back into it.  I said I have been slacking with my running only averaging like 12 miles a week.   Ross has a full time job and a couple kids just like me.  We were both hoping to be around 9:00/m today.  So we decided to run together. 

Well, we both ended up beating our expectations!  My watch had us at 8:20/m average for 13.3 miles.  (this race is always longer on my watch with all the hills and twists and turns).  I figure the pace itself was even faster considering I never stopped my watch but we walked through the water stops every 2 miles.  It was so nice to run with someone.  At times he was pulling me and at times I was pulling him.  

Mile 1: 8:09

Mile 2: 8:19

Mile 3: 8:12

Mile 4: 8:10

Mile 5: 8:27 the steepest hill of the course here known as "one nice hill" 

Mile 6: 8:20

Mile 7: 8:15

Mile 8: 8:25

Mile 9: 8:30 

Mile 10: 8:10

Mile 11: 8:27

Mile 12: 8:49 last water stop.  We walked a little longer at the water stop here.  

Mile 13: 8:23

Final .3 mile: 7:44  The end was a low grade uphill.  Some guy right behind me, could have been Ross, but I honestly don't know,  screamed "go, go, go" and so I went, went, went.  I couldn't have run faster than this if I wanted!

 I'm really happy with this race.  I told Ross I'd start running with him on Saturdays at the FW Run Co group.  I've been running by myself for the last several weeks and it's just not as much fun.  Ross said he runs about a 9:00 pace on long runs right now which is really what I need to be doing.